The Voice From The Back Row

 

 

“It’s my birthday tomorrow!” confided one of my young students, his eyes shining, and a joyful grin lighting his face.  “I’m going to have a party!  It’s going to be so much fun.”  His childish candor left no doubt that his upcoming event was of utmost importance to him.

Most children whose birtdays are celebrated love their birthdays.  They like their presents, they eagerly anticipate privileges that “being older” can bring, and they love the attention focused on them.   Somewhere in the journey to adulthood, something changes; birthdays become less important, something to enjoy if someone happens to remember, but also something to downplay.   Birthdays become “working birthdays”, frequently unnoticed in the workplace.  They become dates to remember that one is now a year older, and often less valued as years increase.  For adults, birthdays become associated with loss.

What are birthdays, after all?  Contrary to popular opinion and mainstream socialization, they are not primarily about numbers.  People are not numbers, and numbers cannot define or limit them without each person’s permission.  No two people assigned the same purportedly identifying number are the same.  The concept is deceptively inaccurate, despite the propensity of news media to print a person’s so-called number immediately behind his or her name.  It is irrational despite attempts by various authorities to force people into number boxes and relate to them according to the popular concepts of what people in those boxes (e.g., 18-30, 31-45, 46-60, over 60) are “supposed” to be.

If not numbers, then what?  If the numbers that excite children so much are removed from the idea of birthdays, what remains to inspire joy?  Children instinctively understand that they are in the process of growing into adulthood.  Each year means additional (even a small amount of) adult privilege.  (Demonstrated responsibility might be a better measure.)  For children, counting the numbers is important; it is also how they are socialized into believing that their numbers constitute what they themselves are.

However, there is more to birthdays than numbers, and that “more” is the essence of birthdays.  They are a time of recognition and celebration.  A person’s birthday is a time to be seen, recognized and welcomed by those among whom he or she lives.  It is a time to show the birthday person that as many someones as possible are happy that person has come to be among them.  It is a time for encouragement, love and celebration.

Perhaps “name day” would be a better term.  Names are our way of distinguishing linguistically with which of the wonderful expressions of the Creator we are interacting.  Using the term “name day” would shift the focus from the numbers to the people.  For, without this essence of birthdays, the celebration of individuals, the numbers by themselves cannot bring joy.

Each of us deserves to be celebrated.  A case can be made that we all deserve to be celebrated daily; certainly, once a year is not too much.  Look around.  What can we do to celebrate others?  How can we celebrate ourselves?  Whom will we celebrate today?   Happy birthday, everyone!

Peace,  Diane

There is a common bit of wisdom which goes as follows:  “Be careful what you wish for – you might get it.”   Aside from the assumption that the Universe is literal and neutral and will definitely bring just what is asked for, and the seemingly opposite assumption that the loving, living Energy that created us just might know better than our fickle perception what we really want, sometimes the adage seems to work.  In other words, we think we want, we get what we think we want, and it turns out that it wasn’t what we wanted.

For example, enough of us thought that we wanted a Trump presidency.  We voted for it.  Almost a year out from the election, if one can believe the polls, most of us have now found out we didn’t want it.  Another example is from mythology, which is regarded by some to be an expression of mankind’s collective unconscious.  King Midas was not regarded as a particularly bad man; there are no reports that he was a harsh ruler or an unloving father.  Simply, he liked gold – a lot – and got the idea that if he could create gold by touching things, he could fix whatever made him (or, possibly, others) unhappy.   He received his gift.  Sadly, he found out that a golden statue of a daughter didn’t make him happier than a living daughter.  Or, in the recent book by Ma’ikwe Ludwig, Together Resilient, the author recounts her own experience with getting what she thought she wanted.  “When I first moved to community, I had an image of myself  as someone who would just love to live in a cabin in the woods somewhere, pretty isolated and surrounded by the glories of nature.  Shortly after moving to my first full-on community, my partner and I got a chance to do just that.  It was great!

For about a week.  And then I started noticing these strange longings to be right in the middle of things.  I found myself very drawn to living in one of the dorms instead of our sweet little cabin, and resenting the 10-minute walk to home, pretty as it was.  A few months later, we did a room swap, and I was much happier after that.”

One problem is that all things are interconnected, and change or motion in one area inspires a balancing change in other areas, near or far.  As human perception is not broad enough to encompass an awareness of all possible consequences or results that can arise from a given change, we can be surprised when we encounter one.  If we stop to consider them, we can perceive some of the complementary changes that may arise from our getting what we think we want, but we cannot know all of the consequences.  The pesticides that kill the insects that munch on the harvests also kill the bees that pollinate the crops.  When we thought to kill insects that compete with us for food, we were unaware that we were risking the bounty that sustains us.

What to do, then?  Do we need to remain trapped in passivity, eschewing change?  Not at all.  Change is the motion of the universe,  its essence of existence.  To be alive is to change.  We can certainly seek specific changes.  To do so wisely, though, is to first consider what results may ensue from the desired change, and be willing to embrace those results.  We need also to maintain an attitude of general acceptance toward the results that we cannot foresee, but which may also occur.

In addition, we need to come from a position of gratitude.  Being grateful for what is now and acknowledging its benefit helps what is to be manifest smoothly.  Practicing gratitude for what is now also builds the inner discipline to be grateful for the results emerging from our specific wished for change, and that gratitude helps, in its own way, to bring about what we desire.  We must let go of the change we have asked for,  practicing acceptance and gratitude even as we set intent; we need to trust that if we let go, what comes will be for the ultimate best.

Perhaps this is the origin of, “Be careful of what you wish or ask for.”   May we each live in balance and joy.

Peace,  Diane

P.S.  Kids, don’t wish for too much candy this Halloween.  You might not want a resulting stomachache.

 

My relationship with my mother was not always cordial. As an adult, I was mostly polite and cooperative while in her presence, and I acknowledged her talents and skills. I also tended to keep the distance between us. Sometimes that was physical distance, and sometimes a more metaphorical distance, simply by engaging in surface communication only. For a long time, we did not truly communicate. It is easy to give reasons and rationalizations, but the truth is that for many years, there was no real communication between us. It was only toward the end of her life that I – not quite sure how – came to the conclusion that the distance was not what was needed and opened to communication. I called her every week and really listened. She came to expect these calls, and during those times I came to know her better than I ever had before. I saw in her what is in all of us, a child that really wants comfort and reassurance, and a sense of being loved. I was with her at the end, and am glad that I made the choice to open to communication.

On a completely different note, I recently read an article by Kelly Brogan, MD, a holistic psychiatrist who practices in New York, and author of the book a Mind of Your Own. Dr. Brogan makes a case for the possible connection between an increase in prescriptions for psychiatric drugs/medications and the increased violence we see around us, including homicides and suicides. She postulates that in many cases, depression is quite curable without medication; such a cure, however, does require deep communication between patient and therapist, and between patient and him or herself. We look at guns as the cause, and fail to address the issues that promote violence. Guns are replaceable by other dangerous weapons if the incentive to violence is not removed.

Politically, we are also engaged in a lot of noise but little communication. No one, it seems, is listening to anyone else. Everyone, it seems, is promoting his or her opinion, right or wrong, depending on one’s viewpoint. True, our system of voting requires less of a listening skill and more of a oratorical skill, as the loudest or most populous group will win over its rivals. However, has anyone listened to the needs of the defeated groups? How can a one-sided decision last in its implementation? Often, it doesn’t, and the process is repeated sans fin. In the still marginal but rapidly growing social organization called community, another way of decision making is prevalent. It is called consensus, agreement by all parties concerned. It does often take time to arrive at a consensus, but it is certain that a great deal of listening has been done before arriving at that point. In order to arrive at consensus, the group must truly communicate.

The Old Testament tells the story of a nation that wanted to build a tower that reached to the perceived abode of God. However, this nation had not yet grown into a people who fully embraced justice and equal respect for each being. In order to prevent them attaining their stated goal prematurely, their language was confused. Suddenly, many groups of workers were speaking different languages, and no one could understand each other. In other words, their communication was removed. The people sank into chaos and discord.

Take time for a moment to envision a world that embraces justice and acknowledgement of the value of one’s fellow beings; imagine that world without the senseless and random violence of today. Imagine it as a world in which the needs of all are met. Certainly, for that, changes of heart are necessary, and expansion of thought paradigms beyond a simply secular world. However, in order to facilitate this envisioned world, it is necessary to communicate.

That is a grand vision, a macrocosm. However, communication in the microcosm is equally important. How well do we listen to the ones we love? How well do we seek to meet the needs of everyone in our smaller groups, not one sacrificed to the others, nor the needs of the most powerful being met first? How well do we listen to the less admired parts of ourselves – parts which often have messages we need to hear? Change starts small and grows. It starts with the level of the individual.

Let’s try an experiment. In the midst of our busy, noisy world, let us try to take a few moments each day to really listen to someone – person or written material – with which we disagree. Let’s see if we can truly hear what the other is saying. It is not necessary to agree, just to listen. It is not necessary to launch a rebuttal, just listen. That is the start of communication. From there, ways of meeting our needs along with the needs of those with whom we disagree can be created. It is practice for the gentler world I think we all want.

Happy listening!

Peace, Diane

Given the preponderance of violence in global current events, an onlooker might conclude with seeming certainty that humans are not particularly interested in peace.   Although information available to the observer might serve to support his conclusion, he would be mistaken.   It is my observation that many of us are interested in peace, but that most of us do not make the news.

Here are a few of the existing groups, movements or events that are promoting peace. WDP, a group composed mainly of Christian women, has a day of peace on the first Friday in March, with international observations.  The Unity movement sponsors an International Day of Prayer for peace each second Thursday in September, which garners the support of people worldwide.  September 21 is the United Nations International Day of Peace.  Pope Francis called for a World Day of Prayer for the care of creation (needing peace to accomplish) on September 1.  There are more; I am not aware of what each of them is, but I know there are more.  I am guessing that refugees worldwide want peace, and that some of them are praying for it.  I am guessing that the disenfranchised worldwide want a just peace, and that some of them are praying for it.  I am guessing that simple people, wearied of horrors and conflict, pray for peace.  I know that activist groups, such as World Beyond War and Win Without War, actively promote peace.   Worldwide, a cry for peace goes up from amidst the violence.

With all this prayer, why is there not more peace?   There are some who say that violence is our shadow part, coming out in destructive ways because we have not recognized it within ourselves and figured out a non-destructive way to handle it.   There is merit in this position.  Our shadow selves are not examined often enough, neither admitted within our consciousness nor given permission to exist openly.  It is a psychological truth that they can consequently erupt destructively.  I do think that this is a contributor.  However, perhaps we are also seeking peace too broadly, looking at too grand a picture.  Admittedly, if we are focused on world peace, there does not seem to be a lot of it.  Nevertheless, the world is not devoid of peace. It is more visible in smaller manifestations.

There is a fairly well-known song, Let There Be Peace on Earth, by Jill and Sy Miller, published in 2009, the second verse of which is “and let it begin with me.”    At this personal level, the progress of peace is more visible.  Those who continually pray for peace, affirm peace, sit and meditate on peace, begin to grow into people in whom peace is deeply rooted.    They judge less, are agitated less often, experience more centeredness and more peace in their lives than those who are less connected.  They do not respond with confrontation to an offense from another.  They are able to let slights pass through them harmlessly.  They wish themselves and others well.  People are unconsciously attracted to them, enjoy being in their presence.   The effects of their prayer not only transform them, but begin the process of transformation in others in proximity.

When enough of these peaceful catalysts exist within a group – family, circle of friends, congregation. for example – the focus on peace begins to transform the group itself; the group becomes as another entity seeking peace.    All this is not done on purpose, as in taking action on a goal.  It is a process of growth begun in the heart of an individual or individuals, extending outwards.  Peace does not begin at the top as a worldwide condition.  It is a grassroots happening.

Imagine if enough of us embraced a peaceful approach to life, engaging by ourselves and with others in prayer/meditation and daily practice of peaceful ways.  Imagine not fighting with our friends or enemies, of abandoning the default position of aggressive confrontation.  Imagine the spread from individuals to small groups to larger groups to nations – in this way peace seems possible.

Although the result of extended war and violence vectors towards mutual extinction, I don’t think those so engaged actively wish for their demise.  If so, it would be more reasonable to commit mass suicide.  I think that another path does not seem visible to those entrapped in the circle of violence.

Let us continue to pray for peace.  However, instead of praying for others to become peaceful, let us pray instead for ourselves to become peaceful, knowing that the process is contagious.  At best, humanity can ultimately become more peaceful; at least, we ourselves can know a greater measure of peace.

Peace,  Diane