The Voice From The Back Row

I have a confession to make.   Today was a holiday, Martin Luther King, Jr. Day.   That means no mail, banks closed, and the like.  It is also the one day I have no assigned income-generating activity, and so is usually designated as catch up day for all that cannot be done on other days.  Today was cold; I confess I succumbed to the temptation to sleep late and to spend most of the day doing things that really did not have to be done, or just lounging around.  I ate “treats” which are not healthy for me.  I absolutely did not hurry to do anything.

Now, I am confused.  On the one hand, I might be congratulated for a bit of self-nurture.  On the other hand, is it self-nurture to eat unhealthily, avoid activity, and postpone activities, which will mean subsequent time crunches on already crowded other days?  Would it not be more nurturing to provide for myself a clear, pleasant environment, healthy food, a reduced time crunch, healthy exercise, and a feeling of achievement at whatever I did manage to accomplish?  I’m not sure I have an answer.

Former President Obama, in an interview with David Letterman, observed that people in this present moment in time seem to be living in different realities.  (I paraphrase, but the meaning is the same.)  Technology, he explains, can now give us, through selective algorithms built into the Internet through which we interact, information which confirms what we already think or “know”.  It is not complete information; it is selected specifically for us by algorithms.  Hence, any given set of people can have access to diametrically different sets of information, or “facts”.  We believe in what we already think and what is reinforced for us.  Others believe in what they already “know” and what is reinforced by what they read.  There is no consistent set of facts, only sets of  opinions “proven” to be “facts” by the feedback given by the algorithms.   Reality is essentially an agreement of perception; what is real is what we all agree is real, or what we all agree to perceive.  For example, we all perceive a certain energy configuration to be a tree.  However, that could be an alien spy structure.  That it isn’t is because we all agree it isn’t, to the extent that the idea seems insane or ridiculous.  If we no longer have a set of agreed upon facts, but only many sets of alternative facts, we then have no basis for conversation.

Perhaps that is one reason for my confusion.  There is no set, agreed upon definition for what constitutes self-nurture.  There is a definite agreed upon notion that we all need self-nurture, but no common idea of what constitutes that.   It has been said that many women have difficulty with self-nurture (probably so) because they are trained to fill the needs of others first.  Yet, the result of not doing that is often the state of being either physically or emotionally isolated.  I have seen this happen for women who expect to be pampered.  (True for men, too.  Providing for a family but neglecting to interact with them on a giving and receiving human level can eventually isolate a man.)

Another area in which the varied facts to which people adhere creates massive confusion is the collection of ideas around diet.  Diets come and go.  Each proponent of a healthy diet has his or her own idea of what works best.  From proponents of meat (which, as its apologists explain,  electrically gives up its nutrition first) to vegans (for whom meat-eating is anathema),  from chefs who share recipes of beautiful, organic meals to those who aver that raw food is the only way to eat, from those who promote cheese, yogurt, butter and kefir to those who are sure that dairy must be avoided,  from traditional nutritionists who tout the benefits of whole grains to those who warn that we poison our bodies with grains, from hospitals who feed patients with glucose water, to current warnings that any sugar is the basis for most of our illnesses – the list goes on and on.  Currently, consuming only a very few fruits and vegetables seems to not generate disagreement; I am waiting to see when that, to, will inspire differences.

Perhaps the answer is in balance.  That is an easy answer for a difficult task in a chaotic world filled with different sets of facts.  I am guessing that we need to listen to those who radically disagree with us – listen without judging.   Balance requires a center, or rudder, to keep one oriented and upright.  Our own bodies might provide such a center, if we can create the habit of listening to them.   The image of a surfer riding a heavy surf comes to mind.   An open mind, a quick awareness of detail and perception, a centered balance, the capacity to “hear” one’s body are all wonderful, and I still have no complete answers.  Perhaps one day we will all understand.  In the meantime, may we all stay awake, forgive ourselves and others, and keep trying to learn and understand.

Peace,  Diane

By now, it is common knowledge that thought influences both circumstances and actions, and that paying close attention to what one does can greatly increase the chances of success for any undertaken endeavor.  However, attention is not always enough, nor is accumulated knowledge.  I was reminded of this over the holidays, during a friendly game of Monopoly.   I had the privilege of watching whom I observed to be a master player thoroughly outscore the rest of the players in the game.  Granted, he had an edge of experience.  Although not necessarily a frequent player, he had played more often than the others in the group.  Yet, each player was intelligent and capable of comprehending strategy.  The youngest players were paired with adults.  Experience alone was not what won the lopsided victory.

As I watched, it became clear that the definitive distinction between the master and the amateurs in the group was a mental orientation.  The master player was fully engaged both in winning and in the attitudes underpinning the game, winning being one of those attitudes.  He identified himself with the game he was playing, for the time in which he was playing.   The rest of the players would have liked to win, but did not fully engage in the process of achieving a win.  They were playing mostly to be playing.  It made a difference.  The energy directed the master player to the victory.  No one objected, no one felt diminished or regretted the game’s conclusion.  It was a friendly game.  What I noticed was the attitude that together with intentions, prayers, attention, and desire can achieve a goal.

With the beginning of each new year, resolutions for change proliferate.  For the most part, those making the resolutions have a real desire to achieve their goals.  They may apply one or more of well-known or lesser-known techniques.  They may engage in prayer or recite affirmations.  All these things are good.  Yet, six months into the new year, the vast majority have abandoned their resolutions, leaving them for another year or letting them go entirely.  Why  do so many resolutions fail to conclusively manifest?  I am guessing that the resolutions, however genuinely made, were created simply to participate in the event of resolution-making.  They were good resolutions, ones which were designed to enhance the lives of the makers, and made with a certain desire and hope.  But they lacked the mental effort needed to become the resolution.

There is a difference, for example, to imagining, even vividly imagining, oneself as a straight A student, a masterful musician, a graceful dancer, a winning athlete, a successful entrepreneur and actually becoming, mentally, that goal.  The first does not require the mental energy of the second.  The first, over time, may lead the envisioner to that goal; the second contains the real power to make it happen.  The change-maker who desires, for example, to be a straight A student, will discover a love of study growing as he or she becomes; following that love will lead to higher achievement.  Study will no longer be a burden, but a joy.  Similarly, practice will no longer be onerous for the aspiring musician or the dancer who becomes.  Workouts  will cease to be an overwhelming effort for the aspiring athlete, and long hours at work will be joy for the aspiring entrepreneur.   This is so because in becoming the goal, the metamorphosis incorporates the attitudes and activities consistent with that goal.  It incorporates within the dreamer those attitudes and activities without a sense of burden, and often with a sense of joy.  The mental work is first.  One imagines not only the achieved goal, but also the joy accompanying making the changes needed to achieve the goal.  One cannot be a musician without practice.  Becoming the goal also means releasing resistance to the practice needed to become a musician.

This is not as easy as it may sound.  It is not accomplished by thinking, “This is good for me,”  or, “I should do this.”  Emotion must be engaged; mental energy needs be spent in engaging that emotion and directing it towards the goal.  Mental energy must be spent in holding the vision of the goal, and acknowledging the steps to be taken to arrive there.  Mental energy must be spent to awaken a sense of joy in doing those steps.   But it is possible.  It is possible for each of us who is willing to expend the energy.

For those of us who make resolutions, either now at the arrival of the new year, or at other times, may we be willing to generate the energy to succeed, to become our goals.      Happy 2018!

Peace, Diane

From an adult point of view, Christmas increasingly means an overly stretched budget, shopping in crowds (or in the buy-without-first-examining online market), wrapping, packaging, mailing, baking, and, hopefully, housecleaning.  All this is done in tandem with a regular work schedule, sometimes while also preparing for travel.  That makes for a hectic, pressured month of December. Sometimes a party or two is thrown in.

Children have a different perspective.  For one thing, even while waiting impatiently for Christmas to arrive, children are not pressured to get tasks done quickly on a deadline.  Parents do most of the work, not kids.  A child’s Christmas vacation (winter break) is thus more eagerly anticipated, more savored, more relaxed, and hence more joyful.

Gifts are another aspect of Christmas.  Whereas for adults, finding the “right” gift for each person for a bargain price and by a given deadline can be a mini-career in itself, children are less pressured to perform.  Older children may be more concerned with giving, and spend considerable time on finding a gift for someone special.  Generally, however, the attention of children focuses more strongly on what they are likely to get.  There may be rattling of boxes, peeking in closets, and making of lists.  Especially for younger children, there is also the tradition of Santa Claus.

Exactly who or what Santa is varies depending on where one lives, and has changed over time.  He was originally known as Saint Nicholas, a Christian saint noted for his generosity.  The face or concept of Santa current in the United States today has been shaped by a nineteenth century poem by Clement Clarke Moore, “The Night Before Christmas.”  The poem describes Santa as a jolly elf who lives at the North Pole, has a sleigh pulled by eight flying reindeer, and who brings presents to sleeping children on Christmas Eve.  In the nineteenth century, he also climbed down chimneys; the door is more common today.  The current Santa is a magical creature.

Children have a mixed reaction to Santa.  Many are afraid to sit on the lap of a mall “Santa”; some believe that Santa can actually bring them whatever they want, however improbable.  Others are simply happy to play the game. The big question for children, asked usually between the ages from four to eight, is, “Is Santa real?”

That depends on how one defines reality.  Of course, it is parents or other generous people who fill the stockings or bring the presents.  That is enough for some to conclude that Santa is simply a myth, and either ignore the tradition or treat it as a pleasant game.   However, what we imagine, what we institutionalize in myth or tradition, what we think and believe, though without physical form, also helps to shape our reality.  Santa as the spirit of giving, as the jolly elf, as the bringer of good and possibly as the facilitator of the seemingly impossible, or simply as part of Christmas tradition, has an influence on the season and on our lives.  The commercial market has captured the concepts of Santa and adapted them to mean a necessity to buy as many things as we can with which to give, decorate and otherwise celebrate Christmas.  That the mall “Santas” and the bell-ringing “Santas” have become  part of the modern tradition illustrates the adaptive nature of Santa and the effect that “soft”, non-physical concepts have on our reality.

To answer the question a child might ask, “Is Santa real?”  is thus not an easy question to answer fully or exactly.  The best answer might be, “Yes, Santa is real, but not in the way you think.  Santa is the spirit of giving, and you can know him through the actions and thoughts of those around you.”  That means that each child’s perception of Santa may be different.

As adults, we can embody the good things that Santa represents.  There is no need to insist that Santa is physically real.  Children may actually be happier to not have to sit on his lap.  However, we adults need to realize that our children’s concepts of Santa, of Christmas, and of life depend upon our actions, words and thoughts.  Our children’s picture of the world depends upon the security, kindness, generosity and forgiveness we extend to them, as well as upon our example, which is constantly in front of them.

As Christmas approaches now, even though we may feel harassed, exhausted, and inadequate to the season, let us keep our little ones in mind.  Give them the gift of enjoying the season; talk with them kindly when tired, be patient when harassed.  Take time out, even when exhausted, to do with our children the small special things which are perhaps not on our list of things to do before the deadline.  If we do, we may find that we, too, can enjoy the season.

Peace,  Diane

“As a man thinketh in his heart, so is he..”  The words, taken from As a Man Thinketh by James Allen, are inspired by a quote from Proverbs.  They continue, “…a man is literally what he thinks, his character being the complete sum of all his thoughts.”   The concept, not new but relatively unfamiliar in 1903, has now become part of mainstream culture.  Thought is creative…we can create by conceiving an idea in mind, and envisioning the thought consistently, acting in accord with it, and persisting throughout apparent drawbacks.  What is less apparent is the contribution of perception and assumption.

I sometimes need to teach students the basic concepts of grammar.  One of the most frustrating tasks is unteaching what is given them in public school, that a noun is a person, place or thing.  A noun is not as they have been taught; it is a name, a name of a person, place, thing, animal, action, idea or feeling.  It is not the actual perception, but the name of the perception.  The configuration of energy perceived as matter rooted in the earth, which breathes in CO2 and emits oxygen, is named a tree.  Without the name, we could still perceive it, but we could not talk about it.  The perception and its name are different things, even though we may consider them the same until we stop to think about it.  This confusion, that a particular naming or interpretation of perception is an unalterable fact, colors the way we think about things.  Everyone can perceive a configuration of energy; there are as many ways to think of that as there are languages (maybe more).  In English, our nerves can be on edge.   In French, we would have nerves at the flower of the skin.  Perception is constant and ongoing; it is conscious only when we specifically pay attention to it, and it influences our conscious thought.

The concept that a perception is the way we happen to interpret it, and accurately no other way, is an assumption on our part.  It is usually unconscious.  Yes, we can make conscious assumptions and reason logically from those assumptions.  Those are useful in debate, or in designing scientific experiments.  The most powerful assumptions, however, the ones influencing our behavior, are unconscious.  We do not think about them.  They feel to us like an instinctive knowledge of truth, and kick in automatically when we must make decisions or act upon events.  The assumption that snakes are dangerous will cause a person to avoid them; the assumption that those unlike ourselves are dangerous can cause us to subtly or explicitly exclude them or put them down, in order to weaken their supposed threat to us.  Soldiers in battle must be taught to assume that the enemy is somehow even just a bit less human than themselves, in order for the soldiers to be able to kill the enemy.  We have a lot of assumptions; rarely do we examine them.

Here are a few of the common negative assumptions:  Life, or the earth, is dangerous.   Men (women) are dangerous.  If something good happens to us, something bad will have to happen next. People cannot really love us.  Any success I might have is just lucky; I am a loser.  In order to succeed or have something, I must take from and deprive others.  Here are a few positive, though not necessarily so common ones:  There is enough for everyone (enough life, enough love, enough sustenance..),  I am a unique and wonderful creation, with a gift to give others/the earth,  the spark of the Creator is in all people, who therefore all deserve respect, all is working as it should.    If the negative assumptions rule our unconscious thought, then our lives will be a series of blocks, failures, or pain, to the extent that we are ruled by negative assumptions.  If, on the contrary, we can manage to host and rely upon positive assumptions, then our lives will be joyful and successful to the extent that we are ruled by positive assumptions.   Most people have a mix of the two.  However, most people also do not examine those assumptions; instead they think that they are unlucky or unfairly persecuted by others or by life.

The news is awash with injustices  – actions destructive to others, perceptions which discredit others, and which inspire people to demand change.  (Often the change demanded is amorphous, as people do not always know exactly what they want the change to look like.)  The noise for change can be cacophonous; each change seems followed by another demand to change it.  It is as if people do not know what they want, cannot control or direct the energy of dissatisfaction.  They are looking in the wrong direction.  Before change – either negative or positive – can take place, our common underlying assumptions need to be examined and challenged.  If we like what we are assuming, we can also embrace the results of those assumptions.  However, once we understand that it is our assumptions that are bringing the results that we dislike, it is then possible to change those assumptions.

The key is to be aware, and to individually and collectively take responsibility for our lives.  We can then examine what we are creating, and engage with each other in forming alternative patterns and solutions which work for all of us. The consensus process of cooperative decision making needed for these results is already extant.  It is exemplified in microcosm in a growing number of intentional communities worldwide.   We can heal ourselves if we can examine our assumptions.

It has been said that winter is a time to introspect.  Let us introspect this winter by examining our assumptions.

Peace,  Diane