Be the Change; the Way of Love

For more than a week now, the death of George Floyd via police brutality and the resulting widespread, vocal, and persistent call for police reform and the end of racism has pre-empted the prioritized space of the Covid-19 in the news.  Most of the protests have been peaceful; some have been violent and destructive.  Protests have been held in small town parks and cities worldwide.  Protests are still continuing, politicians have weighed in with their stances, and proposals have been put forth for completely eliminating the police, to demilitarizing the police, to more anti-racial attitude training.  Serious thought is also being given to increased funds being allocated to issues such as homelessness, mental health, food deserts, education disparity, and other issues which effect the poor, but mainly the poor of color.  We have yet to see if any or what will be a permanent outcome.

Protests are necessary, but they are only the beginning of change.   They serve to wake people up, to make as many as possible aware of the change that is needed and desired.  That is as far as they go; protests are dramatic, but they do not in themselves create change.   Political action and legislation can be helpful, but they, too, are limited.  Legislation can control specific actions, such as stopping for a red light.  It cannot govern attitudes, thoughts, and emotions, such as road rage.  For permanent change to occur, the perceptions, thoughts, attitudes, and emotions of people must change.  These are what underlie conditions; they create the conditions that the protests and laws are trying to change, and they create the change.   Negative emotional pressure, such as guilt, shame and fear cannot alter underlying conditions; in fact, they reinforce them.  Logic can inspire people to want to change, but the change must come from inside people themselves.   Change is truly a grassroots endeavor.

Most of us are familiar with the adage, “Be the change you want to see.”  Jay Shetty, in an interview in the September/October 2019 issue of Unity Magazine, explains, “When you start with being, you end up doing more effectively, but when you start with doing, you sacrifice being.  Everything is a byproduct of being.”   He advocates making to-be lists, rather than to-do lists.    Achievements, then, flow not from what is done, but from the being that underlies them.  The concept is not too difficult to understand; the application, however, can be a bit more confounding.
For example, it can be quite clear that one’s home needs organizing, but understanding what it means to be the organization, to be organized, is a bit less clear.  Being organized does not come from doing organizing; it is the other way around.  Yes, one can require oneself to do some organizing, and even achieve the result of an organized house.   However, if the being organized is not there, the result does not last.   Exactly how to change oneself from not being organized to being organized is still a mystery to me.  However, I know it does not come from shaming or guilting myself for disorder or fearing judgments or results of the disorder.  I can accept the logical desirability of being organized, and on rare occasions can even feel organized for a short while, but I have not yet learned to make organizing a central part of my being.  (It is also a virtue to be able to respond spontaneously, even in no visible organized order.)

To return to the topic of social order and social change, let’s pick three topics to explore.  Racism, the underlying motivator of “Black Lives Matter”, the practice of war, and the restoration of life and health to our Earth are three good examples.

Given that the more gradual method of being the change is the surest way of making lasting change, how would we proceed to change subconscious institutionalized racism into a social construct supporting the humanity of all and granting an equal status to both the needs of all and the peaceful expressions of all? How could we change our own being in such a way as to support the larger change we wish to see?   Perhaps, if one is white or of a group perceived as privileged, one way would be to make a true friendship with someone who is black or of another color.  By this, I do not mean befriending someone who is black.  That is the stance of the privileged helping the lesser person.  It is not bad to befriend someone, but that will not end racism.  By friendship, I mean becoming vulnerable to that person, in an equal emotional relationship.  Becoming a true friend means hearing the hurts and anger of the other person without judging, and appreciating even if not participating in the cultural expression of that person.  It means taking joy in the achievements of that person, and letting that person know of your joy.  It means accepting and acknowledging help from that person, as well as enjoying activities together.  It means feeling the human connection between you and recognizing the dignity of the other.  It means learning to love the other.   Conversely, if one is black (or of another underprivileged group), it means setting aside the assumption that someone who is white is not trustworthy (a kind of reverse racism when broadly applied) and making a true friendship with someone who is white.  In the movie Remember the Titans, the coach understood this when he integrated the team.   It is this kind of thing, multiplied many times over, that will bring about lasting change.  I think it has already begun.

War has plagued humanity since tribal groups encountered each other and competed for what were perceived to be scarce resources.  Over the lifetime of humanity, war has increased in virulence until it now can destroy not only humanity but Earth itself.   It is time for this to change – but how?  Agreements and treaties have been made, but because the underlying perceptions have not changed, the treaties have been manipulated, ignored, broken and betrayed innumerable times. That method is not viable.  War persists, more destructive weapons are developed and distributed, and more people are being trained to kill.  Here is something many people do not know; in order to be able to kill another human being without overwhelming damage to oneself, one must first become convinced that the ‘other’ is somehow less human than himself.   Boot camp sergeants are well aware of this.  The soldiers in any one army are taught that the soldiers in the other army, the ‘enemy’, are somehow less human than themselves, and permission is given to kill them.  This is the underlying assumption – that the ‘other’ is evil, barbaric, dangerous or in some way lesser, and therefore, it is OK to kill him and take what he has.  How, then, would one who wishes to transform war into peace go about this Herculean task?  How can one be peace, on a deep level?  It is easy to see how this is related to the root of racism – the idea that another human can be less human, less valuable than oneself.   Being friends with an enemy is certainly a possibility; there are stories about this which involve almost any war.  But the instances are presented as exceptions, not the rule.  In addition, the “enemy” keeps changing, depending on the era and the circumstances.  Somehow, we must give up judging the other entirely, give up the idea that we are better or more valuable than anyone else. On a personal level, this would mean not judging the person one considers to be one’s worst enemy or biggest threat.  It would involve not wrong making the backbiter who one perceives is destroying one’s reputation, or the one who cheated to get the higher grade on the test or the desired promotion.  It would mean finding compassion in one’s heart for such a person.  That is a tall order, but it is the underpinning of lasting peace.  Be the peacemaker, be peace; do not expect a government to negotiate and implement lasting peace without the underlying change in the majority of people, starting with oneself.

Healing our Earth is now of critical importance, to the extent that the survival of our own species is at risk if we do not do it.  The topic has been discussed, debated, and pronounced upon for nearly a century without any appreciable progress being made.  Yes, protests are held, activists are persistent, volunteers plant trees and examples have been made by communities who have discovered sustainable living.  Laws have been created and rescinded.  Yet, the Earth is in even more danger than before.  How can one be the change of a healed Earth?  Everyone can do something – even small children can raise their voices and remind adults of what needs to be done.  How, though, can we be the change?  Others wiser than I may have better answers, but it seems to me that the start of being the change of a healed Earth is to love that Earth – to spend time in nature, to enjoy and appreciate wildlife, to treat the Earth with respect, as one would a friend, to feel the earth under bare feet, to feel the energy of the Earth inside oneself.    How can one be the change of something of which one is unaware?  Secondly, a being agent of change would mean looking upon the Earth with the vision of Earth in its state of glorious wholeness, as a lover looks upon the face of the beloved in all its perfection.  The objections to the perfection – the scars of pollution on the Earth, for example, or the blemishes on the face of the beloved, would not be the central focus of perception.  That does not mean an unawareness of what needs healing; it means the vision would not be of the wounds, but of the wholeness.  We need more people who can do and are willing to do this.  No, the being is not the doing; it is the wellspring of the doing.  When we can be the change, the steps will be taken and the change will be done, and it will be lasting.

For most of us, this being is difficult; for many, it is also counterintuitive.  We have been trained to accomplish, to do.  It is time, now that doing has seemed to accomplish little, to raise our awareness to the level of being, and to begin our creations there.  It would seem to me that the level of being is also the level of love – not romance, but that love which considers the other as equal to and at one with oneself.  The time is now to go within and call upon this awareness.  In this way, we can make lasting desired change.

Peace, Diane

Creating Our Way Forward


It has been two months now since most of us have been in lockdown over the Coronavirus, and many of us are out of work.  Those of us who are still at work are in many cases risking contracting the disease by continuing to work.  We have been through shock, grief, and suffering, and many are still having difficulty accepting that the world as we know it has changed.  In the news now is talk of “opening the country”, allowing some businesses, closed because of the necessity of close contact between people to operate, to re-open, and the people employed by those businesses to return to work.  The issue is polarized.  On the one hand we have those who prioritize economic activity, and who are sometimes even willing to take up arms to force state governments to “re-open”.   On the other side, we hear the warnings from those who are looking to scientific advice to avoid as much as possible themselves and others contracting the virus.  Those scientists warn that “opening” too early will serve only to spur a resurgence of cases of Covid19 and lead to higher death rates.   Both sides have valid points, and neither side has the full story.

Three important aspects in particular are not being mentioned.  For a successful recovery of the country, human societies, and the Earth, these aspects need to be understood and internalized.  One is that our world has permanently changed, in that we cannot, ever, return to the way things were before the virus.  For better or for worse, things will be different.   Another is that the virus, irrespective of how specifically it came to be,  is a direct result of the negativity we have created upon the Earth, in our human societies, among the plant and animal denizens with whom we share our planet, and within the physical Earth itself.  Unless we cease creating the negativity and mitigate the damage we have caused, we will continue to experience disasters, and even more viruses.  The permafrost is currently melting; as it continues to melt, it will release ancient viruses it has stored in frozen limbo from ages ago.  We are no longer immune to these.  And last, we need to fully understand that the future that will emerge will be a creation of our collective consciousness.  The thoughts of mystics and visionaries, activists, workers who tend to the  Earth and  to each other, lovers of the Earth, lovers of technology, the apathetic who want to receive good while putting little out, the pessimistic who believe we are already on a path of destruction – these thoughts will all merge to create an outcome proportionate to their prevalence in the common subconscious.  We need to make those thoughts conscious, look at them, decide if this is a future we want, and have a real conversation about them.  To neglect to do this will almost certainly bring us results we will find we do not want.

There is no lack in literature and among the people concerning visions of what may be.  There are visions of catastrophic occurrences that throw us all back to prehistoric hunter-gatherer times.  There are visions of highly technologically developed societies, a la Brave New World or the evolved (and often invisible) citizens of otherworld cultures, as in the Star Trek series.  There is the thrust towards an ever-larger organization of a World Government (without a plan of how this will not be an overarching force to make all people conform).  There is the proposition of no big government at all, only many small self-governing groups cooperating with each other (and not completely acknowledging how we will all need to grow in the ability to peaceably get along).  There are plans for grand cities, and thoughts of rural life.    The story of Oversoul Seven shows most people in a domed city surrounded by complete wilderness which is inhabited by a few secluded people who have managed to adjust.  The author Richard Bach predicts a possible future of people who have converted their bodies into robots of themselves and uploaded their consciousnesses so as to be able to withstand a polluted Earth and care for the remaining animals, who live under a dome.    Religious prophecies foretell times of great tribulation followed by a time of reward.

Whatever outcome one envisions, there are underlying principles which need to be accepted in order to heal the Earth and ourselves and construct any kind of stable future.    We need first to recognize the very basis of our life, named by many with many names, the Creative Energy from which we are all formed; it is the substance which comprises and sustains the cosmos, the Earth, Nature, the plant and animal life on Earth, and humans as well.  There are patterns to that Energy, called perhaps laws of creation; they are the way that life functions.  We may learn from them and develop technology which is consistent and cooperative with them, so that we may more efficiently follow those patterns to support all life on Earth.   We may not use our technology to dominate Nature and to go against it when we think that will be more convenient to us, or more exciting.  When we try to conquer Nature and take its riches for ourselves, we destroy it.    Technology is a wonderful tool, used correctly; it is not God, and it will not save us, nor spare us from making changes.

We need to evolve from the either-or attitude that we are all the same and all have to agree about what is and what we are to do, or the alternative attitude that anyone who is different from ourselves is an enemy.  We need to accept that we are created different, and that it is possible to respect who/what is different from ourselves and acknowledge it as a creation of the Source.  In floral terms, we are not all roses.  We are daisies, sunflowers, violets, azaleas, begonias, honeysuckles, four-o-clocks, morning glories, baby’s breath, Queen Anne’s lace, marigolds, and many others.  We do not have to be the same, and we do not have to think alike and agree.  We do need to hear and honor each other, and to refrain from physical or verbal (or even mental) violence against each other, focusing on cooperation rather than competition and fear.  Especially, we need to avoid fear.  Priests and philosophers for ages have given us the message to “Fear not”.

We need to move beyond war as a means to settle differences.   This is a direct outcome of the above.  If we cease to fear each other and truly respect each other, much of the motive for war will be gone.   We need to abstain from the ideas that war is honorable, or that one side is right and the other side wrong, or that war is justified.   Our animal heritage might tell us that we need to fight over mating rights or territory.  I think we have grown beyond that, and we need to now renounce those thoughts.  A positive world cannot be created while war exists.

In addition, we need to cease making war on life itself.  We need to carefully watch ourselves to ensure that we are celebrating the life we are given and of which we are a part, declining to participate in its destruction in any form.  We will not by consuming destroy the Earth or the plants and animals on it.  We will not destroy our babies or our elderly. We will live as healthy lifestyles as possible.  If we do not wish ourselves to be conduits of life, then we will not conceive it.  We will not pollute the land or sea.  We will not destroy our protective atmosphere.  Instead, we will embrace and honor life.    We cannot create a positive future if we continue our habit of killing what is not convenient or what we do not like.

We need to shift the current economic inequities, which leave some people without the basic means of survival and shower others with more than they could ever need.  This needs to be an adjustment to our thinking and our beliefs, not simply governmental action that will measure, regulate, watch, and punish to ensure everyone is complying with rules designed to avoid greed and want. It needs to come from our hearts, our love of life and respect for each other, and from abstaining from collecting more than we need.   It needs to come from attitudes of cooperation, rather than competition.  Perhaps this is more easily done in small groups of tribal size, but it is not impossible in cities.   We also need, each of us, to grow a part of our subsistence, and create part of the energy we consume.  Whether this involves restorative farms, small indoor or roof gardens, closed systems of waste disposal/use and resource generation, or other creative means, it is up to each of us to participate personally in some small way.  We need to let go of the idea that we are privileged above others, and that it is someone else’s job to give us what we need.  Concurrently, we need to take the responsibility of governing ourselves, individually and in small groups. 

We need to learn to listen.  We need to listen to ourselves, to nature, to the mystic overarching Energy, to the wind and the waves, to our hearts.   We need to build into our systems time to reflect, to pay attention to what we hear, to share our insights, and to listen to each other – really listen, even if we do not agree.   We need to carve from our busy-ness the time to be still.      We need this time to, at least for the moment, understand what it is to be satisfied and what it is to be grateful.   We need to cultivate these attitudes.

I’m sure others may come up with more parameters; these are the ones I now see.   Whether we exist in vertically built cities surrounded by undeveloped land, or in small groups in clustered homes with the surrounding land farmed or wild (there are currently prototype groups that do this sustainably and self-sufficiently), or in whatever other form we envision, the principles above need be applied.   They are basic as we move forward.

Are we ready to answer the wake-up call, to let go of the past, have the needed conversations, and move forward to a more just and compassionate society and a healed Earth?   I hope we are.  We cannot sleep our way to it.  Let those of us who are awake each wake up at least one other and put our shoulders to the task of creating what we wish to emerge from the wreckage of the past and the tribulation of the coronavirus.

Peace, Diane

A Wake-Up Call

The dark just before dawn is a magical time.  The earth is morphing from the dreamlike state of night to the brightness and focused attention of day.  In like manner, most people are transitioning from sleep to wakefulness, from the slower pace of sleep to the activity of the day.  The dawn is special; it is the coming of the light.  A light switch in a home is also magical, though more sudden. It, too, brings light into a darkened area, revealing that which we could not see in the dark.  Often, it reveals to us work which we need to do, work which we may have preferred to ignore in favor of the more relaxed pace of the dark.  Sometimes, if we have ignored that work too long, it is painful to address: mountains of filing to be done, dusty clutter in basements to be cleared, overgrown lawns or gardens to be tended to are some of these.    Our current pandemic situation can be construed as a time of dark, when everything slows, pending work of the world is ignored or concealed, and the media at least try to keep telling us how lucky we are to have this time off.  Times of darkness are valuable times of introspection and renewal; they are also times when we are tempted to give in to the human fear of the dark and ignore anything but our fear.

Whatever our individual opinions on the coronavirus pandemic may be, it is obvious that the attention of most of us is placed on the pandemic, repeatedly focused there by the media.  Whether we think of when the lockdown will end, how we will survive unemployment or partial employment, the chances of getting sick or dying, staying six feet apart, the usefulness or need of masks, gloves, worry about whether others are following the rules, how to keep kids amused and engaged, opportunities to exercise or availability of food and supplies, the attention is on some aspect of the pandemic.   Other critical issues seem forgotten by most, except for activists or those who are campaigning.  We need to learn our lessons of introspection and begin emerging from our darkness to pay attention to what else is going on.  Our Earth, especially, needs our attention, including our planet and all its denizens, among them humans and their cultures.

Without a planet, any other issue with which we may be concerned is immaterial, because we will no longer be there to engage with it, and the Earth itself may or may not continue to be able to support life.   Our lives after this coronavirus dissipates will not in any case be the same as they were before the virus began.  However, if we wish to shape the directions our lives take, we will need to be ready to make changes on many fronts.  It is time we began looking at those fronts.

As our systems are interconnected, it is difficult to isolate any one of them with which to begin.  Perhaps they need to be addressed at the same time, each part by those with expertise in that part.  Our economic (especially banking) systems enable our energy systems, which enable our food production and distribution, which feed into our health systems and our medicines, all of which enable our media systems and our military systems, which in turn support our economic systems.  It is a Gordian knot.    We creative humans have built a massive, impressive construction for ourselves; that creation is on the verge of destroying the planet.  Three video productions, one older, two recent, vividly illustrate what is happening that we prefer not to see.  Earth 2100 (PBS) is fictional; it is an excellent pseudo-documentary of the years between 2000 and 2100, well done, based on fact and interesting to watch.  The Story of Plastic (by the environmental group The Story of Stuff, shown on the Discovery Channel) is a visceral revelation of what we have done with our desire for convenience and profit and the overwhelming task of cleanup.   Planet of the Humans by Michael Moore, available on You Tube, pulls back the curtain on what we are headed towards on the path we now walk.  They are not pleasurable distractions, but thought-provoking and hopefully action-inspiring information we need if we have the courage to look and act.

The main components of the Gordian knot we have built ourselves can be summarized as Big Oil/Big Energy, Big Agriculture, Big Health and Medicine, Big Media, Big Military, and Big Banks. Big Technology facilitates all of them. It is hard to talk about one without the other, and certainly there are experts on each topic.  However, it does not need a technical expert to know some things. One is that technology is an extremely useful tool and may help us if we can use it with humility.  However, it is not God, and it will not save us, especially if we worship it, put our hopes and reliance on it.  It will not help us to make no change and simply continue with some variety of the systems we are now following. 

The changes we need will not be convenient.  They will require us to take care of ourselves and each other, rather than being taken care of by a hopefully benevolent government.  They will require us to accept and respect each other with all our differences; we cannot require everyone to be the same, nor can we require everyone to adhere to the same ideas.   We will have to find ways to peacefully cooperate and to join as one while at the same time honoring each other’s differences.  We will have to give up the idea of killing – each other, the old, the young, the Earth and her denizens – for the sake of short-term profit or aggrandizement.  We will have to learn to live more simply, attaching our self-worth and comfort to inner/spiritual health rather than the production, consumption and amassment of things.     That is a huge task.

For example, in order to reduce the rising temperature of the planet, we need immediately to stop extracting and using fossil fuels. That is not so easy when we realize that the technology needed to make such things as solar panels or wind farms consumes fossil fuels and releases carbon dioxide as much or more as the panels or wind farms save.  Those things will not save us.  In addition, the electricity on which we all depend is itself dependent on fossil fuels. Yes, it is cars and factories, but not just that.  Imagine a world without electricity.  Imagine how we will live in such a world.  We also cannot burn up our forests for fuel, as the forests themselves are the lungs of the world, sequestering the carbon and providing us with oxygen.  Imagine living in a world in which our only fuel to burn would be the twigs and dead wood which are naturally created in the lifespan of a tree.  We may need to know how to do that.  It is not convenient.

Many people think that reducing our population is the answer to our problems:  fewer people, less need for resources.  Of course, none agree on who it is who should be culled.   Killing off the unborn or the elderly or the disabled or those different from the powerful does not result in a better situation; it results in an unbalanced population.   Pandemics are an equalizing way of reducing population, but most of us would prefer to avoid them.   Nature has a way of balancing populations; when an ecosystem can no longer provide for an ever-expanding species, that species simply quits or limits reproducing for a time.  They do not have the technology to create (imperfect) contraceptives; they simply abstain.  Are we as strong as they?  Can we do that?   (Try reading Out of the Silent Planet by C.S. Lewis and focus on the description of the Hrossa.)

We need to reduce our sprawl, which has devastated the habitats of animals who now try, to our chagrin, to live among us.  No more suburbs.    Cities can be built vertically, both in high rises and low rises (beneath the ground).  Here, our technology might be useful in making these more comfortable.  Or, we can build rurally in clusters, with the expanse of land around the clusters rather than around individual homes.   Can we agree to live in density?  Can we agree to govern ourselves based on the decisions of likeminded groups gathered together, respecting the decisions of other like-minded groups different from ourselves?  Can we trade peacefully with someone with whose philosophy we disagree?

We humans, with our advanced technology, have succeeded in polluting our land and waters with factory farm runoff and pesticides and genetically engineered plants and animals not in nature, and we have succeeded in destroying the living nature of our soil.  We need to immediately cease operations of our factory farms and slaughterhouses and clean up the mess they have created.  We need to give up our pre-prepared foods, our out of season foods, our excessive meat consumption, our sugar addictions.  We need to engage in restorative, regenerative agriculture and organic family farms.  We need as much as possible to grow our own foods and re-learn the arts of cooking from scratch (men and women) and preserving foods.  Are we willing to learn?

We must realize that the time to abandon war has come.  If we believe that to stop killing each other is a sacrifice, can we understand the benefits of not existing under the fear of being attacked by another group or individual?  War is a major destroyer of the planet, and a major contributor to the systems which have brought us to where we are now.

We must give up the systems of banking and interest, which fuel the entirety of the destructive components we have now and create the massive inequality of resources with which we are now faced.  (check out the video, The Biggest Scam in the History of the World by, I believe, hiddensecretsaboutmoney.com, and posted also on Socratesgold.com/crucial-education-about-money/         Video #4) .We need to learn again to trade with each other and be willing to help a neighbor.  I think those are our basic instincts.  Are we willing to change to use them?

We need to give up big government, which by its very nature is more interested in amassing power than in the welfare of the people.  We need to give up the instruments of government control, such as massive surveillance, and instead be willing to agree on laws and mores in smaller groups, with the basic tenet being that each group respects the other and does not engage in violence against another.  Countries could still exist, but the control would be with the people, not from the top.  Can we have that conversation?

In all this, a respectful use of technology could help us.  It is the abuse of technology to dominate and consume the planet and disregard the other beings which inhabit it that is destructive now.  It is the use of technology to discourage the personal, physical connection of person to person so as to live behind a screen in an electronic interweaving which ignores nature, assuming that technology needs no nature,  that turns technology toxic to life.  Used correctly, this amazing tool could help us to do what we need.  We could start with science fiction (from which inventions often come) for ideas.  For example, in Frank Herbert’s Dune Trilogy, the people of the desert had unique ways of conserving and creating water which enabled them to live in the desert without destroying the often-fragile desert ecosystem.  We can turn to existing communities (check www.fic.org ), some of which have made great strides in sustainable, off-grid living, and some of which are expert on how to live and get along with others.

This posting has been decidedly longer than usual, and still covers only a part of what needs doing.  The bottom line is that it is time to stop focusing on the pandemic, or on whether our neighbor annoys us, or even on political parties (focus on candidates and issues instead).  We need right now to have the conversation of how we will make the many changes needed to save the planet which is our home.  That is a real and urgent issue, not a sentimental one.  The time is now.  Later will be too late.   Let us awaken now and put our energy into this conversation and these actions.

Peace, Diane

Grief

We in the United States knew about the new virus called the Covid19, a more virulent variation of the SARS virus, well before we were seemingly suddenly affected.  At least, we had followed its progress in China, and tried pulling our citizens out of China.  We became aware that a cruise ship just off Japan had become affected.  We followed that but did not yet fully understand what was impending.  Seemingly suddenly, in March the virus began to spread – first in Washington State, then on the coasts in general, then over the entire country.  Schools were among the first to shut down.  This was quickly followed by the shutdown of any venue where people might gather – gyms, bars, etc.  Then, full lockdown was instituted in most states, with all but essential businesses closed, and people instructed to stay at home, keeping at least 6 feet between themselves and other human beings (except for the people with whom one lives).  No longer would close human contact be, as usual, a resource for stress and change.  No gatherings of more than 10 people, each 6 feet apart.  The news proceeded to issue running totals of the sick and dead, and to report how the hospitals and clinics were overwhelmed, understaffed, and poorly stocked with needed equipment.   Each day seemed to add a bit more on what we were to do and how dangerous our lives had become.  Fear mounted.   As Sonia Livingstone in YES magazine commented, we had “lost jobs, lost vacations, lost weddings, lost family members.”    Yet, the news says very little about grief.  Most of us are grieving.

The classic stages of grief are denial, anger, bargaining, acceptance, not necessarily in that order.  We deny our losses, saying they are not lost but just on hold for awhile.  We deny the situation, believing that shortly everything will go back to how it was.   We sedate ourselves with emphasis on the advantages of isolation (and there are advantages to slowing down, having time to be, and having time to be with family), trying to tell ourselves how fortunate we are.  We do not acknowledge the losses we have sustained from this virus.  This is denial.

Some of us are angry, and the news media likes this response.  It can be tapped for political reasons, and is sometimes used to deflect responsibility from ourselves by calling it “the Chinese virus” as if that would make it go away.  People who are angry can refuse to comply with distancing instructions or can unleash their fearful anger on others by criticizing and finger pointing.  None of this is helpful; yet, if we do not acknowledge the grief, the anger will not simply disappear.   Everything has suddenly changed; we no longer have the comfort of each other except by machine mediation; we no longer have the sense of being safe in our world; the simplest of tasks, e.g., grocery shopping, has taken on whole new aspects and component details; we have lost the sense of ourselves as productive workers, and some of us have physically lost family members who are no longer with us.  The losses are massive, and, although this particular virus will pass, the world will never be the way it was before.  The grief is also massive, and we need to acknowledge it.

Next, the bargaining; if we are very good and follow the rules, things may go back to the way they were before.  This is a hope, but not a reality.  There are definitely ways we need to change to engender positive outcomes, but just following the rules which keep us safe now are not those ways.   Understand that for a long time we have been inflicting problems and negativity on our planet.   Some of these are war, racism and rejection of the poor and suffering, massive development which destroys the natural habitats of our fellow beings on earth, fossil fuel extraction and burning combined with factory farming, especially CAFOs, which massively increase the pace of global warming, political divisions and feuding, plastic and other pollution, extreme income inequality, the results of global warming, such as increased fires and storms and the resulting suffering.   These actions of ours do not come without consequences.   Viruses thrive in an atmosphere of negativity, and the current state of the Earth is a feast for viruses.  This one may pass, but if we do not change our ways and act in ways that heal our earth and clean up our negativity, viruses will continue to appear and have a virus party at our expense.  These are the things on which we need to focus, rather than on futile attempts to be “good enough” so things will go back to the way they were before.  We can have a positive and wonderful result, but only if we accept that we need to clean up our acts first.

Which brings us to acceptance.  Most of us are not there yet.    Acceptance of what has happened, acceptance of our losses, acceptance of changes made and changes we need to make are what will lead us out of grief to a better situation.   We of course will not forget – one does not forget what was loved but is lost – but we will no longer be in a state of pain and suffering.   If we accept and do the work we need to do, we can transcend the current distress and rise whole from its remains.

We need to become aware of and acknowledge our grief.  We need not be ashamed of the stages of grief we may be experiencing now, but we need to acknowledge them for what they are.   We need to be as gentle as possible with ourselves as we pass through these stages and allow ourselves to feel them.  Unless we feel them, we cannot process them, and we become stuck in our grief.  We can raise our voices in cries and wails of mourning as we move through this wake for what was.  We need to feel all this and process it and arrive at the acceptance of loss and of what work now needs be done.    That is our hope; it is the only realistic one.

May we each allow ourselves to grieve, to be gentle with ourselves in grieving, and to finally accept – accept both our losses and our responsibility to do the work of moving ahead.

Peace, Diane