Author: Diane Drummond

Owning Choices

Master of Dreams, wake us up!

Remove us from nightmare,

From anger and tears, horror

And hurt, violence and hate.

Give us understanding

To grow from toddlerhood,

To build well with our gifts,.

Not knock creation down.

As You share the power

To create, share, too, the traits

Of beauty, love and life.

Master of Dreams, grow us up!

                   – Anonymous

 

As I watch recent events, I resonate with the poet’s plea. The disease of violence in our world seems to worsen.  Most recently in the forefront is  the increased intensity of the ongoing feud between law enforcement and the poor, especially poor black people.  Both sides declare their lives matter (as do all lives); both sides cry out for justice and accountability, and both sides take it upon themselves to shoot the other.  Each side is convinced of the rightness of its actions, and each side is disinclined to stand down first. Whichever “side” one stands on,  there appears to be an impasse.

A deeper look behind the seeming impasse reveals some things that people, in the furor of conflict, seem to have forgotten.  First and most important is that our assumptions underlie our actions; what  we consciously or unconsciously assume creates and promotes the actions that we take.

Here are two of the assumptions that lead law enforcement officers to shoot innocent people (not that they are the only killers of the innocent) :

Assumption 1 – All poor men, especially poor black men, are  dangerous criminals, or at least potentially so.

Assumption 2 – Law enforcement has the license to kill with impunity and its actions are automatically in defense of itself and other citizens.

The list is certainly not comprehensive.

Here are two of the assumptions that lead citizens to snipe at and shoot law enforcement officers, even if those officers are not shooting at anyone else:

`        Assumption 1 – All law enforcement officers, especially white law enforcement officers, are brutal and untrustworthy.

Assumption 2 – Law enforcement officers are at war with citizens, particularly citizens of color.

The list is certainly not comprehensive.

Neither set of assumptions is responsible.  Both sets create an apparent justification for ongoing violence.  If we are to “wake up” , as the poet wishes, we must do so by taking responsibility for our assumptions.  Legislation cannot fix the results of faulty assumptions.  Only our own self examination and willingness to grow and change can do that.

We have the power to change what we think and how we respond. If that were not true, then the whole discussion would be moot, as we would be unable to change.  We would be simply pawns, not human.

What do we want?  Do we want freedom, joy, abundance, beauty?   Or would we rather exist with what we have now?  Freedom and responsibility go together, as sides of one coin.  They are inseparably fused.  If we really want a world which is different from that which is currently in front of us, we need to take responsibility, each and every one of us, for creating it.  We start by examining our current assumptions, letting go of those that perpetuate violence and chaos (some call that forgiving), and through practice replacing those assumptions with ones that generate the results we wish to create.  For example, if we want friends who cherish us, we need to stop assuming that the world is competitive and other people are out to get one up on us or defeat us.

There is always time to change our minds, but the results of our assumptions are coming at an increasingly rapid pace. What do we want?  More of the  same, or the work of changing our assumptions?  It is time we take responsibility.

Peace, Diane

 

 From the wider screen of the news to the more intimate communications of close friends and family, a message of the moment seems to be  gender equality.  Sounds wonderful – what could be wrong with gender equality?  It’s time men were liberated from macho, emotionally restricted roles designed to fit them for a competitive workplace and for war, and time women were liberated from being valued mainly for childbearing capacity and expectations of being the constant nurturer dependent on others for abundance.  It is time that men and women can relate freely without an underlying concern with sexual intercourse.  However, as I listen more closely, it is not those particular liberations – or any others – that seem to be the main message promoted.  The message seems to be that men and women are the same.

While it is wonderful that men are getting the same parental leave as women, and wonderful that women can achieve the position of CEO  (I hope at least one parent or grandparent is there to pay attention to the children), male caretakers are not the same as female caretakers, and female CEOs are not the same as male CEOs.  One is not better than the other, and neither is the same as the other.  Both have gifts to give that are intrinsic to themselves, and both definitely deserve equal pay for their gifts. Equally valued does not mean same.

What, then, about those men who believe they are women and those women who perceive themselves to be men?  What about those who prefer to sleep with someone of the same gender?  Does that not support the idea that maleness and femaleness are the same?  Not being a member of one of these communities, I cannot venture to speak with the authority of participatory knowledge. However, I would  venture to guess that a male-inside person is distinct from a female-inside person; why is there an issue if both are same?   I am acquainted with female-female couples and male-male couples.  It is not difficult to distinguish one from the other.  If males and females are the same, then why is there an issue over preference?  The one would thus be just like the other.

Equally valued,  having equal access to the common benefits of society, does not mean that everyone must be treated exactly the same.  I appreciate equal pay for equal work; I do not wish to have to morph into a participant in a male culture in order to do that equal work.   I am proud of being female.  Again, I cannot speak from experience, but I assume that there are men who do not wish to adapt to a mainly female culture in order to equally participate.  I would certainly hope that there are men who are proud of their masculinity.   Asserting that men and women are same destroys both masculinity and femininity.  It is an error in an otherwise welcome movement of our times.

If one gives equal sunshine to both a shade loving plant and a sun loving plant, neither plant will thrive. This is an equal treatment which is destructive.  Also, if one fails to give water to either plant, both plants will die.   However, just as they require different amounts of sun to thrive, so will plants require different amounts of water.  Declaring them to be same is counterproductive.  On the other hand, giving each varied plant just that amount of sun, soil, water that plant requires promotes life.

Let us cherish the wonderful diversity that we have; Let us make sure that each has what he or she needs to thrive.  Let us refrain from making one better from the other, hence deserving the most of what is necessary for a good life.  There is enough for all; we do not need to be same to receive it.

Peace,   Diane

I originally intended to write on a somewhat different topic, but the recent triple tragedies in Florida, especially the mass shooting, demand a response. When will people understand that violence solves nothing?? These outbreaks are not an issue of bad people, and not an issue of gun control, although fewer guns would make the violence more difficult. That is another issue, which begs the question of what is the deeper reason for the push to remove guns from people but not from police, reserves, and other authority, and why the current escalation of mass gun violence? This is an issue of our attitudes towards each other and our security within ourselves.

It is OK if everything and everyone are not the same. It is OK to be different from someone else. Someone else’s rightness does not make a person wrong, and one can rest secure in one’s own validity without wrong-making someone else. There is no same set of expression that is right or another that is wrong, with the exception that wrong making another and using violence to enforce and enhance that wrong making is in itself a serious, culture-destroying, humanity-destroying, earth-destroying mistake in the wrong direction for the survival, growth and well-being of life.

It is OK to disagree with another person, movement or policy, and it is OK to verbalize that disagreement strongly, hopefully with reason, but also with passion. Disagreement is just that, not name-calling, vilifying, wrong-making, attacking or engaging in contentious debate. It is nice when a disagreement is resolved, but resolution to end the disagreement is not necessary. People differ, and that can be accepted. People can differ, and still love each other.

The word “love” has so many aspects, or forms, that it is often misunderstood. I am referring here to the forms of love called respect, compassion, and the ability to wish the other well, even if one disagrees. Pretend, for example, that the Florida assassin, instead of shooting people, had taken the stage in the nightclub and spoken his disagreement that homosexuality should exist, how threatened that made him feel, and confessed the hatred his fear generated within him. That would certainly have made others uncomfortable, and would have caused those within earshot to think and perhaps question their own reactions and positions.

However, it would not have resulted in loss of life and escalated the hostility between those who disagree. As a result of the massacre, the polarities are intensified and expanded, and the potential for further violence – from both authorities and the disaffected – are aggrandized.

If someone is opposed to, for example, homosexuality or immigrants, it is OK to voice that opposition and be listened to, not vilified for the opposition. It is not necessary to get on the bandwagon, to be the same as everyone else. Sometimes there is truth within the opposition, truth which others have not thought of. Sometimes the opposition is backed by hurt or fear. Refusing to listen is not respect or compassion. Hear the opposition, recognize injustice where it exists, consider alternative solutions, acknowledge and react with compassion to fear and hurt, whichever “side” one is on. We are all part of the same Creation.

If we do not wish our mutual destruction, let us all start now to move away from violence to a more compassionate adjustment of our differences. For starters, that means to react to violence with compassion, even within grief, and to move consistently towards a higher orientation. Peace, Diane

Several years ago, I read a book, which, as I have taught small children, impressed me.  All I Really Need to Know I Learned in Kindergarten by Robert Fulgham is a collection of short and delightful essays celebrating the simple joys and skills of life and relationships, skills which are commonly taught to young children in classrooms.  Without those skills, life in a classroom would tend to quickly deteriorate.  Without those skills, adult life, too, tends to deteriorate.

One of those skills is sharing.  Every parent of more than one child has faced the task of teaching their children to share with siblings and with others.  A mark of maturity is the grace with which one is able to share – not simply yield, but share.  It seems to be a mark of maturity which many of us adults are still learning; perhaps the competitiveness we have been taught knocked aside those kindergarten lessons.  When the unwillingness to share, or the fear of sharing, injects itself into any of the many aspects of our lives, its potential for obstructing or destroying our joy and greater good manifests.

Most religions and spiritual paths teach a form of sharing known as tithing – giving back in cash or kind, in goods or services a minimum of one-tenth of the bounty that has come to us.  This is rooted not only in social justice or morality, but also in the spiritual benefit to the giver.  Ideally, one gives out of gratitude, and true gratitude attracts even more good to the giver.  In addition, giving or sharing is a position of strength, and contributes to a feeling of confidence and positive expectation.

Tithing, however, is not the only form of sharing.   In every aspect of our lives, we are asked to share.  We share information with a colleague, a cup of coffee with a friend, our or others’ joys and sorrows, food, shelter, resources with those who have not.  Sisters and friends share clothes, neighbors share tools; cooperatives share food, bicycles, cars or other resources.  Families share the work of living, and the raising of children.  Even separated families share the attention and raising of the children.  Teachers share knowledge with students, and students share experience with teachers.   When that sharing, that flow, is interrupted, pain emerges.

Perhaps that pain is simply a feeling of burden – the burden of having to defend whatever one is not sharing from other people.  Sometimes the pain is conscious in the form of guilt, anger, fear, or even illness.  Whatever form it takes, the joy is gone from the area in which sharing is not occurring.  The happiness that was expected from “having it all myself” does not appear, except perhaps as the illusion of a brief moment of “winning”.  The flow of living energy is blocked; joy cannot occur.

Sharing does not mean simply yielding and letting one’s own ideas, needs, feelings go unnoticed in the process of giving. It means realizing that the Universe, Life, Creation, is abundant, and that there is enough for all.  By opening the tap, allowing the goods, services, joy, energy to flow through from one to another in a constant stream, one is thereby nourished oneself.  It is like the river which flows to the sea, which supplies water back to the mountains, the source of the river. Wars have been fought over water, when those upstream wish to dam the river for themselves, denying those downstream needed water.

Let us, then, open the tap of life and joy, and share ourselves and what we possess or think we possess with others.  Let us find the courage to show that there is no need to put up barriers between us and others, or hang on tightly to what we have in fear of having nothing.  The world can be a positive place, if we choose to look at it that way. What do we wish to create?

 

 

Peace,  Diane